Spring is here... and

the blooming flowers

give out an eerie smell that is divine

to the strangers around us,

yet you don’t even notice it.

I wanna be your companion

and hold your hand,

laughing at the simpleton across the street,

who is trying to walk straight

under the million shopping bags his wife has thrust him with.

I want to share nights with you,

that are not finished by the dark.

I want you in the club,

watching me for the first 20 minutes,

dance alone, looking like I’ve shot up,

while you wait to get drunk enough

to pull me close and not feel the crowd.

As I pen my deepest thoughts,

and while my heartaches bleed out onto the paper,

I want you to watch me light up your last cigarette,

breaking free with the smoke I let out.

I want to smile as you smile,

Giggle with you at nothing at all,

looking inanely stupid doing it.

Make me your lover.

I wanna find the passions

that move you to action

out of your couch into my arms.

I wanna be the naughty

that urges you to come back for more,

and forget the snooker game on the telly.

I want to make you English breakfast,

and hear you complain about how you hate it,

while you finish your last bite.

I would watch you teaching me how to make dinner,

and later fight for the last morsel on the plate.

I want to struggle in the shower,

argue for cold against hot,

Cos I love the sound you make when you shiver.

In the middle of the night,

I want to pull the blanket off you

Just so that you come close,

and cling onto me.

I wanna wake in the morning

and smile while I watch you pull out

all your clothes from the closet,

searching for the perfect match.

I love how you’re always up before me.

I want everyday to be the weekend

where I can lie on the couch

while you lay your head on my chest

and hold my hands to keep me

from changing the channel.

It’s not secret I have kept from you.

Very simply put,

in all your entirety,

your flaws, your anger,

your never ending temper.

I want you.

-Al

Another open door

The pain was too much to bear, she gave up and sat on the floor. Once again, her big red suitcase was being filled with the clothes and things that would fit that space.

Another move.

She should’ve gotten used to this by now, you would think. She sat against the door and let her tears flow free for just a few minutes. They wouldn’t appreciate her locking the door. Nor would they like seeing her cry. It would simply seem like she was being ungrateful because they did all they could to make her smile all these months.

She sat there remembering how, not so many years back, she had fought with her mom about how unfair it was that she couldn’t have her own room. Today, she would give anything to stop living out of this suitcase. What she wouldn’t give for some decent shelf space that lasted more than a month.

Her family has been split, by fate, into so many parts and so far away. She is too young for this. Yet no one seems to notice her need for the love she is missing out on. 23 is a rude age to be without your family to stand behind you and tell you that it’s all gonna be okay. How will she ever make it? Why should she believe that life gets better and that every Xmas is not going to be so cold? Why should she believe in forever, in love, in family?

She wipes away her tears and pulls herself up. Gets the last of her things and neatly stacks them in the bag. Looks in a mirror and sees a child who just grew up too soon. She rummages through her bag and finds her make-up. Puts on a fresh new layer to cover the bags under her eyes. Switches on her podette, plugs it in and listens to “Mustang Sally”. With a smile on her face she walks out yet another door.

The last Descent

The dress was a perfect fit. It made her hips look perfect. Her breasts were full and sensuous, completing the curve that was deemed perfect. She finally noticed how much weight she'd lost over the past year. Last year, she wouldn’t have been able to sport this purple-sequined, clinging-to-her-body Armani. Her shoulders were bare and looked slightly slouched and so she straightened up. Smoothened a crease on the waistline and noticed him walk in.

She smiled at him through the mirror as he came to a halt right behind her. He had a look in his eyes, she realized, that she didn’t recognize. Maybe it was because it had been months since they looked at each other this way. Weeks since they had seen each other with the lights on. She regretted coming home so late every night. But she consoled herself by thinking, it was necessary, I know he understands. He helped her clip on the diamond necklace she was struggling with. And she smiled again. Again, he didn’t return it. She noticed the wrinkles for the first time tonight. He had bags under his eyes. She felt miserable about how she hadn't the time to hold him close and ask him about his day. Tonight, she promised herself, tonight she would give him the world and more. I’ll do all it takes to make him happier than he has ever been before. Now that the dust had finally settled, they could enjoy each other, again.

She took his arm and they calmly walked out the room. As they stood there atop the staircase, she looked out at her world. Everyone was there, her past, present and hopefully, her future too. She turned to her right and looked at her real world, tall and handsome. He made her feel 16 again. She smiled at him brightly and he didn't return it. She had been so distant lately that she could no longer tell what the stern look meant. He instantly knew how she felt and so he made it easy for her and said “I want a divorce.”

Being this new woman she had recently become, she didn’t show any hint of emotion to that. He doesn’t mean that! Or does he? She thought to herself and looked ahead at the guests. She just wanted to take a moment, to let what he said, sink in. But he wouldn't have that. He wanted this last night end as soon as it possibly could. So they began their decent down the white marble staircase, all throughout she kept smiling her best smile. No one was going to be allowed into the closet she was hiding her emotions in. She was shattering, one little piece at a time.

How could he do this tonight?

“Oh, what a lovely dress that is, darling.”

In front of everyone here, tonight?

“Congratulations! I’m so happy for you both”

After all we have been through. Tonight?

“Look how perfect they look together. You cant help but be jealous”

Just when everything has finally fallen into place. Tonight?

It was only 7 years ago, to this day, that he had promised to stick by her, through sickness and health, through the good times and the bad.

Then why, tonight?

Stay...For all that was...

When you take something and crush it with your own hands, do you still have the right to be miserable about it? Even though you were aware that it was made of precious glass?

It cuts so deep, this pain.

We manage to hurt so many people, all at once. And I did this all myself.

I’m struggling in the sea that I threw myself into. Scared about the shark below and the water all around that will drown me, for I do not know how to swim. Nor do I know how to tackle a shark. I’m sunk.

Yesterday, we grew up. Nothing will bring us back. But I will stick to you like contact-adhesive.

Please stay, don’t go away. 

Stranger

A smile and I’d made a new friend
Another smile and it seemed like he’d known me from some place before
One more dimpled pull and my heart had been stolen
He stretched out his hands to me
And I accepted the love
He stood on my lap and touched my face
With his tiny hands
I seemed like something of a marvel to him
A laugh to make your heart melt,
At every funny face I made
A giggle, at every attempt to tickle,
that made the other passengers envy me for that moment
He had never known me
But the love in his eyes was unmistakable
He was content for just that minute
Not knowing any sorrow to come
Not knowing any fear of the future
Just for this minute
He wouldn’t let me go for his mother
Nor another
He stayed there the entire journey
Playing with my hair, listening to my music and smiling at me


When it was time to leave,
He stretched out his hands to his mother
And allowed her to take him away from me
I sensed his acceptance of departure
And my hesitation at the same

In just two hours of utter happiness,
He left with a smile and I with a tear

I don't know why!

Why does it suddenly seem to me that no one is as excessively sensitive as I am? Its like the whole world is aware of how to turn the knob from nice to mean b***h, except me!

Let me introduce you to... Me. I am the most sensitive, naive, emotionally charged, hyperactive being you will come across in your short life span. At 22, I have mastered the art of throwing a tantrum. Once you know me, its hard to not see the real me. I figure "open book" is the right term to be used to describe it. I am Principal Moody of the Loonybin Academy for youngsters. I can go from "happy as a hyena" to "the xmas grinch" in seconds. It is very difficult for me to be straightforwardly rude to people who are close to me and have hurt me. I cry almost immediately about everything. I think too much about things and analyse them too much and yet somehow say stupid things that make me wish I had a cure for my foot in mouth syndrome. Sometimes, my excess-analysis causes me to not move to action for fear of my predictions coming true. I make these predictions based on my intuition and the excess-analysis helps here too. At 7am, I will be upbeat and happy about stupid things like how the bird sitting on the windowsill is not singing and by 9am, I have indefinitely found something to be miserable about and chances are, I will stay that way for the rest of the day. If I am mad at someone, and they are not around me, I will rehearse in front of the mirror all the things I will say to them, so many times over... that when I do see them, I have lost my frustration and am floored by the immense love I feel for them. And pah, they're forgiven for even "kissing another woman in bright daylight, by mistake, thinking her to be me". So in the bargain, I have lectured myself on stuff I want them to know. My anger is the most short-lived among all the women I know personally.

As you are aware of the fact that I am a woman, I do not need to tell you that we are complicated creatures by birth. I, for one, take up the task of turning my already messed up head into a Rolladeck of information about everything that does and does not concern me. If someone has a problem, I manage to make it my own problem and get way too involved in it. Unlike other women, for me, saying "No" is more of a task than dealing with getting "No" as an answer. There are a lot of things that make me different from other women like, I drive well and I detest shopping.

I am almost always unsure of what kind of style I want to carry. Some days I am a tomboy, some days a beach babe in flipflops and relaxed, while some days I like to look sophisticated. Either ways, I am never comfortable in whatever I so choose to go with. And I was flattered when the other day, a really hot chick said to me, "You know, you're the most classically pretty. You're a versatile beauty Al". It made me so confident that the next two days although I knew that my bohemian style was not being accepted by passersby, I was confident that I looked pretty! That hot chick happens to be my best friend and I know she isn't saying it "just for my ego boost" but because she means it.

I scare myself sometimes, you know. I wonder what kind of human being I am and how messed up my children are going to turn out if I keep at it. Here I go, thinking again. This line just brought back memories of my close friends naming my children "humus" and other names, which if I post here, might be rude according to atleast 5 different races. I often blame so many people for not taking the time to understand me, while I am well aware of the fact that its not an easy thing to learn how to do. I believe I should have a manual to help people do that!

My favourite line is a common one, "you just don’t understand me!". If I just had a dime for everytime I said that...

While the breeze blew through my hair...

I thought...
Tormented thoughts
Deviate me from my path
Of trying hard to defy
The nature of my world
My world
The place where its bright yet only
White
A blasting white
Nothing to paint it purple with
I take my book of literature
And try to use it
As a brush
To smudge the blotches of lovely fuchsia
And positivity flows through
The million words of love
That are non-existent in the text
Pushing through these
Horrendously beautiful intentions of walking
On the cloud

Hope… present at location
With faith in all its absence
Although they go hand in hand
Your touch made my body
Tremble…
Youre saying words that push
Pull me hard
Close to youre chest
The heart beat in there
Will tell mine to start again
Bump bump bump
Make it thump
Quick
Im falling fast
Hell’s walls are painted a bright white
To make the rooms look bigger
Just so that you realize
How much of space is empty
Filled with your loneliness.

-Al

Overlooked

Smack

"Now what is it?"

"You're not paying attention!"

"I'm listening, say what you have to."

"Its not going to be something you like."

"I dont always like what you say, but I do still listen. "

"Well, I'm not in love anymore."

"Buy a new purse then."

"Huh?"

He turns around to look at her.

"I noticed you seem to like green a lot more now a days, buy a green one."

Whack

"What was that for?"

"I dont love YOU anymore."

"And why not?"

"Cos... well... u kno..." Hesitation

He smiles and takes her hand. 

"Its just a phase baby, of course you love me. Who else would love you back like I do?'

"Youre taking me for granted!?!?"

Hugs her

"Not granted... I know you, you cant live without me. "

 She mumbles...

"That is just worse."

50 amazing years!

I was asked to come up with a few lines for my grandparents Golden Jubilee. I was given 10 mins. This taught me that improv makes it so much more personal and cute.

The couple on their wedding day

I have been so lucky

I've been taken care of by you

You fed, bathe, taught me

even advised me often too

Today as both of you look back

with happiness and pride

Upon the fifty cherished years

That you've spent side by side.

May every memory you share

Of dreams you've seen come true,

Help make this special Golden day

A happy one for you!

I pray that I learn to love

like you two love each other

When I make it to 50 I will say

"I learnt from my Grandpa and Grandmother"