Dollies

When mom told me she was going to have a baby, it phased me how a human being could fit into another! And how would it come out? But when she said two months later that there are two inside there… I thought to myself that my mom was just bullshitting me. At nine, I may not have been the strongest believer nor did I have a very active imagination. But she grew and she was cranky like a child most of the times. Everyone took more care of her than they usually would. I knew then that she was telling the truth. Dad wanted me to understand better and thought it was best to get me a CD that explained it all. It was a little kiddish but I got the basic point of how it happens and that it’s a normal thing.

As a kid I was really inquisitive, and that wasn’t a good thing for the nurses at the hospital that night cos I kept whining and trying to get into the operation theatre to see how the hell they were going to remove TWO kids out of mom! But finally I gave up and paced outside the OT like an impatient dad. The nurse came running out 20 minutes later and said that the first one was a girl. Disappointing. That was what I thought. I was already building defensive arguments against sharing my clothes, shoes and dolls. The stupid nurse came out again and in a very excited note said it was ANOTHER girl! I looked at my gran and ran up to her and started crying. It was so unfair that I would have to share the attention with two girls! What if they turned out to be prettier than me?

And I was right.

I had fallen asleep crying and was lying on the extra bed in mom’s room when I woke up. Looked to my side and there was a cradle rocking to and fro. I sat up and looked in. One extremely red faced baby was lying beside a really fair one. Gorgeous little baby girls who I knew I could only love unconditionally. At least until they started talking. Both looked so peaceful and they were tightly wrapped. In my head, I wondered how far they could get if their hands and feet were left open! I sat and stared for a very long time, marveling at the beauty of life in its purest form.

I named them Snow white and Rose red, cos I clearly couldn’t call them Silvester 1 and Silvester 2 till we named them! We took them home and life changed forever.

I want to write so much more about how I learnt to feed them, dress them, bathe them, yell at them… but I’ll do it justice and take it one stage at a time. I guess this post was long pending and is still incomplete in so many ways.

If only my words could capture the million emotions that flowed through me that June 5th in 1997.

Tripping

He gave me a second look and I didn’t find it odd. I actually noticed him earlier while waiting at the boarding gate for the annoying voice to call out to me. Worn out denims, pod plugged in with dark blue ear plugs, red tee that was a shade darker than my top. He’s carrying a back pack that matches his brown boots. His hair filled with gel, is pulled back into unnecessary perfection. While I noted these oddities, he notices me looking at him and nods, adding a toothy-smile. Crap! I half-smiled back to be polite. A big mistake!

The flight is unusually full today. Mostly squint-eyed people fill the seats near the window as they boarded the flight at the HK airport. So what’s left is the aisle seats. The number of babies on this flight, is unnerving. I love kids, don’t get me wrong. But from previous experiences, I know better than to occupy the front row seats. The baby cries uncontrollably because of the drop in air pressure the mom is completely unaware of what she is to do with it.

So I settle for an aisle seat in the 40^th row, “D” to be precise. The hair-gel lover is seated in “E” right beside me. Another teeth-exposing smile. I pray silently that maybe he’s shy, smart enough to not talk to me or just doesn’t know how to talk.

“Hey! On your way to Dubai?”

No… just thought that since I was bored, I’d warm this seat right here. “Of course, that is why I boarded this plane, right?”

“Oh. Ha ha, my bad! I’m not even sure of why I bothered asked you that?”

Don’t know why you bother to breathe either.

“First time to the UAE?”

Why do I feel like I’m at the UAE immigration centre all over again? What’s with the million questions? “I fly every few months. Love flying Cathay. Their flights are so peaceful and quiet.” Hint hint, please god let him get it this time.

“Oh, so you live there? Where about?” 

I would have smacked my head real hard if I wasn’t struggling to take out my shoe to throw it at the question box sitting beside me.

“At the marina.”

A confused look… “Where is that? Is it near the Burj?”

Just what I needed! A guide-book reader! I have mentally slapped myself for not carrying my ‘Beware of Bitch’ sign.

“Tourist?” I ask.

“No, just visiting my uncle.”

Man, he sure didn’t look that stupid! “Oh. Have fun.”

The silence made me believe that he’d actually gotten the hint this time around.

The flight has taken off and 10 minutes after the seatbelt sign has been flicked off, he starts again.

“Maybe you could suggest a few places I must visit.”

“How long has your uncle been living there?”

“15 years,” he says proudly “isn’t that cool?”

“It’s only been 7 years for me though. So, I’m sure your uncle knows the city better.”

He leaves me alone, clearly upset at my curt response. So I take the opportunity and switch on my iPod and search for the ‘really loud music’ list. He watches me as I use the jog dial to find a nice song. He knows nothing is playing yet so he has a few seconds more to squeeze in another question.

“Whose voice soothes your soul?”

Well, certainly not yours! And are you going to get any less personal with the questions? My look startles him (I often find it tough to stop immediate reactions like an offended stare) and so, he rephrases.

“I mean, which artist do you like best?”

Much better. “Jason Mraz.”

“Is he new? Not heard of him. I am an aspiring DJ btw. I hope to spin out music and make people dance to my tunes”

Now I see his problem. He is delusional, poor guy. “Jason Mraz is a similar genre as John Mayer.”

“I don’t like that man.”

Ticked me off. “Why not?” Mental slap, reminding myself that asking a question continues the conversation, doesn’t end it. So I continue. “Well actually, you have your own views. Have a great flight!”

I’m praying silently that the rude reply to my own question keeps him shut. But I notice him fiddling with the remote control to the in-flight entertainment and I know who he is going to ask for help. Just then the captain gives my neighbor a new topic to discuss about.

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Due to dense fog conditions we are unable to land in Dubai at this time. We have enough fuel to remain in holding position for the next two hours. I will inform you once we have clear skies to land this flight. Enjoy your flight!”

And he begins…  

Tonight

The door opens and it begins. The yelling and the screaming. The anger and the agitation. The television is too loud and it adds to the commotion. I don't think they realise that it is 11.30 in the night.

I walk in and stroll to the last room in the house. I sit on the bed and finish watching the last episode of Castle on my iPod. Its like a drug that keeps my brain hazy when I want to get away and I can't. That and the new season of every possible soap opera.

The episode comes to an end and a new fight at home has just begun. I kick myself for getting involved. It gets nasty and I get into the next room and sit on the bed. My eyes tear up in anger. I hate myself for the way I'm thinking right now. I want it all to end.

I write to myself a note, because there isn't anyone to tell me this. "There is no room for self-pity cos there is always someone who hurts more. You can't be tired because someone else is always more tired that you. How can you be ill when someone else suffers so much more. You can't even be happy cos everyone else is sad. All you can do my sweetheart, is lie in bed, cover yourself up and cry till you can't breathe. Morning will come and another lonely day will begin. You can replenish your stock of Gossip Girl and Grey's. Get lost in their staged world and wish u could be them. Laugh at work with everyone while sharing their joy. I cannot promise you about how you will feel tomorrow but I can promise you that this day will end..sooner or later and u will get ur 15mins of pure selfishness while you soak ur pillow with your tears."

Cinderella Time

It had been 45 mins since the last word was spoken. He looked unaffected.

She dozes off to wake up to the sound of the rain against the window and the warm touch of his hands. He smiles and says, "Wake up sweetheart, you're missing something amazing".

They're driving down the freeway and the hills look gorgeous. Their song plays on the radio. He takes her hand and starts singing it to her while he drives. She wants to capture this moment and make it last forever so she takes out the pink camera and starts recording him go out of tune.

The butterflies in her tummy are uncontrollable.

She loves today. It feels so familar. Almost enough to give her a sense of deja vu. They stop at a red light and he reaches out for her face and pulls her close to kiss her. It was love for sure, she knew that.

She looks at her watch... Its going to strike 12. And while it does, she saw it happen. Cinderella's time was over. The glass slippers were broken, the pumpkin was smashed and the horses were mice again. Once again... the silence was back, making her deaf. She looked over to him, he would never be the same again. Indifferent towards the change and the loss. Her pride was too heavy to cry so she let just a tear escape while she looked away.

She knew it then, love once lost will never come back, no matter how much you relive the oldest bestest memory you have shared.

Robin and Ryker

Robin: It’s like a permanent get-out-of-jail card, my smile.

Ryker: I can't believe I’m letting u off the hook a 2nd time.

Robin: How can you not? I’m so innocent and the halo on my head just can’t be ignored.

Ryker: You’re as innocent as jack the ripper.

And I've realized that the halo is just for show, u take the halo off when you’re alone.

Robin: For some weird reason, I like the Jack the ripper comment. I need to see a shrink.

Ryker: Dr.Vihang N.Vahia.

He's at Lilavati on Mon 8 - 10am and Sat 2 - 6pm.

Have taken an appointment for you, Sat 4pm.

Robin: Oh mann! You’re a gem (the non-shiny kind)

I'll pay him a visit. So, it’s your personal recco right?

Ryker: But I want to be the shiny kind.

No, it's Ron's recco.

My shrink hung herself last month.

Robin: A shrink would have a field day with both of us in the same room. Imagine the stuff we are talking about

Ryker: Our convo is pretty normal considering that we both are convicted arsonists.

Robin: Normal is a relative concept.

Convicted arsonists? That too? I was going with MA runaways! The reasons for being the latter could be multiple!!

Ryker: Fair point, normal is relative.

Of course, convicted arsonists. Don’t you remember we burnt a warehouse in downtown LA last year?

And what is MA?

Robin: MA is something I unnecessarily abbreviated to get you to ask.

Its Mental Asylum runaways... The place they put us in after we told them why we burnt down the warehouse?

Ryker: U purposely abbreviated it to get me to ask? And me like a naive innocent little boy fell for it. Wish I wasn’t so innocent sometimes.

Oh ya, I how can I forget the mental asylum they put us in. And no, we didn't tell them we burnt the warehouse, they caught us coz u left a 5 Spice delivery box outside the warehouse with our Boston address on it.

Robin: Innocent? Delu*cough*sional!

I told you not to order so much Chinese!! And I totally forgot the fact that I told them and wasn’t supposed to tell you that I told them.

Ryker: Don’t be mean. U wanted Chinese, not me. I wanted pancakes. But as usual u bullied me and got your way. U told them? No more burning houses or robbing banks with u, u anyway spend all the loot on shoes.

Robin: Oh man! Now I want pancakes!

I told them only about the arson... I kept mum about the forgery scam. And come on... I only have 82 pairs of shoes! That isn’t obsession, its pure love. Rachel is worse than me.

Ryker: Hot soft golden brown pancakes with thick fresh maple syrup.

U better not tell them about the kidnapping too. The problem with u is, the minute they offer u food, u blurt everything out.

82 pairs of shoes????? Your competition is not Rachel, its Imelda Marcos.

Robin: Kidnapping? Why do I not... Oh gosh! You took someone else along, didn’t you? That is why I can’t remember that part! And btw... you knew about my weakness right from the beginning!

Imelda Marcos lives in me!

Ryker:  No Imelda, would I dare take someone else for the kidnapping? U don’t remember it because u were high. We shouldn't have stopped at the bar in Nashville before the kidnapping.

Bread Pudding is your weakness?

I bet u haven’t worn half the shoes u own.

Robin: I was high? All your fault for wanting to "use the washroom" or we wouldn’t have stopped in the first place! It’s like taking the horse to the water and not expecting it to drink!

Food is my weakness!! All of it... and now you've reminded me of bread pudding!!

Btw... I can’t find half of them either.

Ryker:  It’s always my fault, not fair. Of course I had to use the washroom, I was driving all night while u were sleeping in the back seat. Btw, u snore.

And when u see a bar, u can't stop yourself. Have to re-check u in that rehab in Miami.

I just knew it, about the shoes. What a waste of my hard earned money.

Robin: See, you don’t let me drive cos of the narcoleptic that I am. I don’t snore after my operation.

That rehab in Miami was not nice. Can we find another one if I REALLY have to be checked in? Pretty please? Maybe the one you were stuck in would be nice... I don’t know why I get checked into the cheaper shady ones!

The shoes are not a waste!!! Don’t say it too loud... they'll hear you!!

Ryker: I don’t let u drive, but not becoz you're narcoleptic, I don’t let u drive becoz your license was revoked after u drove our car into a farmhouse near Dallas and killed an old couple who were watching 'when harry met sally'.

Btw, I have recorded your snoring on my phone, so I don't think the nose job helped your snoring.

Ok ok, I admit the Miami rehab place wasn't very good but we weren't doing well financially at that time but now that we are rich, we'll check u into Europe’s best rehab place outside Paris. And pleaase don't run away and go shopping in Paris. Btw, I’ve never been into a rehab, u do the drinking for both of us.

 THE SHOES ARE A WASTE OF MONEY!!!!!!!!

Robin: It wasn’t a nose job! What bollocks!

And you have to admit, my timing was impeccable. Was just in time for the end scene where they kiss. And please, only the wife died. Coma doesn’t count as death. I know for sure the husband will thank me when he wakes, for getting rid of the nag. Remember how she whined even while dying? And finally I was right; buying a silver car was a good idea. Imagine if we’d bought the black you wanted, the scratch marks would be tear-worthy.

Let’s talk more about Paris. I get out of here in three months and I’m sure you would need to book in advance with the entire holiday crowd coming in. And let’s not make any more excuses for the delay in the allowance cheque. I’m running low on Maggi stock.

Anyways, I gotta go, they’ve got to buckle me up. It’s a bitch typing with that white-jacket on.

The above is a conversation that me and a friend had over FB messages. I don't need to tell you which one I am :P