Tuesday, September 14, 2010


The door opens and it begins. The yelling and the screaming. The anger and the agitation. The television is too loud and it adds to the commotion. I don't think they realise that it is 11.30 in the night.

I walk in and stroll to the last room in the house. I sit on the bed and finish watching the last episode of Castle on my iPod. Its like a drug that keeps my brain hazy when I want to get away and I can't. That and the new season of every possible soap opera.

The episode comes to an end and a new fight at home has just begun. I kick myself for getting involved. It gets nasty and I get into the next room and sit on the bed. My eyes tear up in anger. I hate myself for the way I'm thinking right now. I want it all to end.

I write to myself a note, because there isn't anyone to tell me this. "There is no room for self-pity cos there is always someone who hurts more. You can't be tired because someone else is always more tired that you. How can you be ill when someone else suffers so much more. You can't even be happy cos everyone else is sad. All you can do my sweetheart, is lie in bed, cover yourself up and cry till you can't breathe. Morning will come and another lonely day will begin. You can replenish your stock of Gossip Girl and Grey's. Get lost in their staged world and wish u could be them. Laugh at work with everyone while sharing their joy. I cannot promise you about how you will feel tomorrow but I can promise you that this day will end..sooner or later and u will get ur 15mins of pure selfishness while you soak ur pillow with your tears."