Sunday, April 8, 2012

I don't know why!

Why does it suddenly seem to me that no one is as excessively sensitive as I am? Its like the whole world is aware of how to turn the knob from nice to mean b***h, except me!

Let me introduce you to... Me. I am the most sensitive, naive, emotionally charged, hyperactive being you will come across in your short life span. At 22, I have mastered the art of throwing a tantrum. Once you know me, its hard to not see the real me. I figure "open book" is the right term to be used to describe it. I am Principal Moody of the Loonybin Academy for youngsters. I can go from "happy as a hyena" to "the xmas grinch" in seconds. It is very difficult for me to be straightforwardly rude to people who are close to me and have hurt me. I cry almost immediately about everything. I think too much about things and analyse them too much and yet somehow say stupid things that make me wish I had a cure for my foot in mouth syndrome. Sometimes, my excess-analysis causes me to not move to action for fear of my predictions coming true. I make these predictions based on my intuition and the excess-analysis helps here too. At 7am, I will be upbeat and happy about stupid things like how the bird sitting on the windowsill is not singing and by 9am, I have indefinitely found something to be miserable about and chances are, I will stay that way for the rest of the day. If I am mad at someone, and they are not around me, I will rehearse in front of the mirror all the things I will say to them, so many times over... that when I do see them, I have lost my frustration and am floored by the immense love I feel for them. And pah, they're forgiven for even "kissing another woman in bright daylight, by mistake, thinking her to be me". So in the bargain, I have lectured myself on stuff I want them to know. My anger is the most short-lived among all the women I know personally.

As you are aware of the fact that I am a woman, I do not need to tell you that we are complicated creatures by birth. I, for one, take up the task of turning my already messed up head into a Rolladeck of information about everything that does and does not concern me. If someone has a problem, I manage to make it my own problem and get way too involved in it. Unlike other women, for me, saying "No" is more of a task than dealing with getting "No" as an answer. There are a lot of things that make me different from other women like, I drive well and I detest shopping.

I am almost always unsure of what kind of style I want to carry. Some days I am a tomboy, some days a beach babe in flipflops and relaxed, while some days I like to look sophisticated. Either ways, I am never comfortable in whatever I so choose to go with. And I was flattered when the other day, a really hot chick said to me, "You know, you're the most classically pretty. You're a versatile beauty Al". It made me so confident that the next two days although I knew that my bohemian style was not being accepted by passersby, I was confident that I looked pretty! That hot chick happens to be my best friend and I know she isn't saying it "just for my ego boost" but because she means it.

I scare myself sometimes, you know. I wonder what kind of human being I am and how messed up my children are going to turn out if I keep at it. Here I go, thinking again. This line just brought back memories of my close friends naming my children "humus" and other names, which if I post here, might be rude according to atleast 5 different races. I often blame so many people for not taking the time to understand me, while I am well aware of the fact that its not an easy thing to learn how to do. I believe I should have a manual to help people do that!

My favourite line is a common one, "you just don’t understand me!". If I just had a dime for everytime I said that...

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