Saturday, February 6, 2010

Unfaithfully yours: A Wifes Tale

Conflict in a situation does not have to be light sabers or laser guns, automatic weapons or explosions. It can be as simple as what clothes will you wear to your first day at work, or as deep as how far should modern science go? Conflict can also be an internal process.

Being 16 wasn’t ever easy for a girl, let alone one whose only companion was a boy who always complained. "I would never be unfaithful in marriage," I remember him saying as we sat on his bed playing cards. It was a statement that didn't reflect any anger on his part, nor any of the emotional turmoil he must have been experiencing at the time." I had seen it so often. His dad would come home from work, pass a random comment about how his wife was useless and couldn’t manage to keep his house clean and they would both start to quarrel. Each one doubting the other. It wasn’t the right thing, yet it crossed my mind. How can anyone be so sure that they could never be unfaithful? How can one be so sure?

Here I was, 15 years later, getting married to the man I had loved since the past 4 years. This man standing beside me, I knew I could spend my life with. We had the same lifestyle in mind, we got along fabulously, and we talked lots. And most of all, we loved each other. I was so sure when I looked into his eyes, as we exchanged our vows; I could never imagine myself being unfaithful to my husband because, to me, this certainly didn't feel like a sacrifice. Even leaving behind those 3000miles, felt so positive.

We had the most amazing life together. In the evenings we would have discussions about philosophy and love. My husband, like my childhood friend, always used to talk avertedly about unfaithfulness. And in the nights, when he made love to me, he always whispered in my ears how he couldn’t imagine us surviving apart. He wasn't threatening or scaring me. Nor had I any intention of ever cheating because I loved my husband.

Our new jobs provided just enough for our food and shelter, but soon that wasn’t enough. Issues regarding monetary problems began to disrupt our peaceful dinner. For the first time since our marriage, we were fighting. Often we both said hurtful things to each other that weren’t even relevant and fights just ended up getting more and more brutal. We went to bed angry and woke up exhausted - the sex life suffered. I needed something - AN ESCAPE.

Financial problems had reduced but the bitterness still prevailed. The good thing about my job as an event organiser was that I got invited to all the parties. My husband, being the anti-socialite, never accompanied me. I got noticed a lot because I seemed a single person. Men actually approached me telling me how beautiful I am and stating reasons why I should join them for a drink. I turned them all down.

This one specific event was where I noticed him. Tall, fair, blue eyes. A vision in black. We were introduced by common friends and we started talking a lot. And ‘incidentally’ I started bumping into him at all the major social events. Here was a guy who represented all the kinds of stability and emotional support I needed in my marriage. I remember the first time I slept with him. It was an exciting but scary experience.

I was overcome with guilt, true, but I would take this to my grave. And strangely, I felt relieved. What my husband didn’t know couldn’t hurt him. That was what I told myself in order to feel positive. But happiness is short lived. The nightmare came true - my alibi unintentionally called our house and gave me away. I wasn’t as scared as I thought I would be. Maybe I wanted to be found out – to this day I don’t know the answer. All I know is that I caused a lot of pain to my husband whom I still loved.

Even though our marriage is in very tenuous state and I don’t know if we will ever recover. I still believe that my affair had a place in my life... I believe there was a reason all this happened. And even though my actions have made my husbands state of mind an emotional chaos, I hope time and mutual understanding will resolve.


Aditya Nandode said...

Aamen! is what a hopeful story like this brings out of my mind.

Rohan said...

Okay i am one of the guys who says to myself that ' i ll never be unfaithful to my girlfriend/wife and the track record has been clean with whoever i ve been with.

But is a turbulent relationship with a spouse a tempting enough reason to cheat ? I know the urge to be with someone who has everything you your spouse did but still what about all the good times you guys shared ? What about the connection ?

Life is all about up's and down's, you would not appreciate the sugar if it was all chillies.

It is at these times how we stand by our principles, words is what makes a man isnt it ?

Well, i havent got married yet so i dont know how much of this i can put into action but this is what i think with a strong determination right now.

I hope the husband and wife get together like before :)


PS: The story was super brilliant.

sanely insane said...

love like trust is hard to understand and must be earned and maintained at all times

most ppl who fall in love forget the maintain part :P

its a small victory each day

Gypsy Qveen said...

@Aditya - Thanks so much. I always notice how you read every post almost as soon as it has been put up.

@Rohan - I love the line about the Sugar and the Chillies.

Principles are what we need in life to differentiate between right and wrong. But who is to decide the right from wrong. Who is to say that the husband hasnt done wrong enough to deserve what came his way? who is to say that what the wife did the right kind of "getting-back-at"?

No story applies exactly the same to every couple. It may vary. Unfaithfulness is not uncommon today. But there is no doubt that true love might just really exist.

My partner and I have a healthy relationship and we haven't reached any stage of "unfaithfulness". I hope we stay that way always.

@Sanely Insane
I agree with the "Failure to maintain" part. That happens with EVERY relationship these days. Either one begins to take the other for granted.
But I have seen it myself... if the couple is all "in-love" every single day, the emotion soon becomes rote and often becomes a habit and thus a simple procedure. Hence, it degenerates into need and no longer is a want. Get it?:P

sanely insane said...

and hence one must not be all in love...while as the relation deepens there should be a comfort level and dependability, there should be that little challenge of trying to win more of the partners love and respect

just like in work 5 years in job u may get very comfortable, but that comfort should not degenerate into complacency, that little challenge that little fear of not being successful should always be there

Mihir.S.Bijur said...

Simply brilliant! This is a choice which every single person has to make in their lifetime. Even the Gods are not spared from this. I love the way it explains it.. wish the end was a bit longer altho.. would have loved to read some more

Karmic Leo said...

beautifully expressed the ups & down of a relationship.

ani_aset said...

It takes a lot of sacrifice, and understanding to keep a relationship. also given the temptations that are around these days, at times communication between partners becomes prime.
Lovely story :)