Pushing too hard

Disarm yourself.

Heard this song that a friend shared with me this morning. It felt the best just listening to it on a loop. Its odd how a trance song that says the same thing to you repetitively can feel so good. But he sure did make my Monday so much better. Thank you Ab. 

Don’t you miss yourself?

The song asked me. And that is all I have been saying since the past few months. I don’t know how and when the change happened; I didn’t realize how it was affecting my life and the ones around me. But I’m here now and I want “me” back. I used to be so much fun, I enjoyed my own company. I was reminded of a very close friend in college, who once wrote me a long letter on my birthday and put it in a huge birthday card. This is what I remember of it clearly (and what a way with words he had, especially beautiful because we took the French class together and he wrote it to me in french)

“Vous etes la fille la plus spirituellement magnifique que j'aie jamais rencontres. Vous ne laissez jamais le monde vous rendre triste. Et quand tu es triste dans ton coeur, personne ne peut savoir en raison de votre sourire eclatant qui ne s'effacent jamais. Apres quelques annees, lorsque nous nous reunirons, nous serons heureux et nous allons embrasser. Je sais que je vais voir le meme sourire. Vous ne devez pas perdre vous.”

My French wasn’t as good at that time (I actually pretended it wasn’t as I knew it would sound soo much more awesome when he read it out) so I asked him to translate it for me. And it reads…

You’re the most spiritually gorgeous girl I have ever met. You don’t let the world get you down. And when you are falling apart inside, no one would know because of the beautiful smile that never fades. Years later when we meet out of the blue and you run up to me and hug me with excitement, I know I will see the same smile. Don’t lose yourself.

But I think I did.