Saturday, April 5, 2008

Coffee does this to me?

Its truly undeniable when inspiration hits you that you need to put it down so that months later you look at it and say to yourself, "wow, I'm really deep!" Let me not mislead you into thinking that this piece will be one of great inspiration or will make basic sense to the common man who is unaware of the miracle that is ME. This being the time where I would ideally need to sit with my eyes stuck onto nothing else but my books, I find it necessary to do everything that I generally would find too much effort to do at normal times. But truly, after 20 cups of real strong amazing Black freshly brewed coffee (All Hail Maxwell House!), I wouldn't dare say I am myself. Or rather I would say I have just multiplied what I orignally am - the natural born disaster - into a 100.

Staying awake through most of the time that mere mortals call "night", my biological clock has gone bonkers. I wake to find that I indeed have no idea what day it really is! I have had a divine intervention which told me a few hours back that it is Saturday morning and I have an examination in the next 48 hours. Guessing you will take it for granted that I am still unsure of what examination I am to give on that fateful day.

Hours earlier I was suddenly aware that I had been asleep over my "educational notes" and they were suddenly damaged with my drool. Ten minutes of sleep and I already had enough drool to fill my coffee mug! Let me add that on normal instances I do NOT drool and that this poor child should not be judged especially when she is truly making an effort to look like she is studying. Come on, give the girl a break! I woke with a fright that filled my senses and told me that I am destined to fail these examinations. This fear that could eventually scare me into taking up my books again, turned out to be very short lived. But I pulled myself up and ran into the kitchen, put on the coffee maker and brewed enough coffee to serve the army and keep them up for days! I downed the coffee, filling my mug thrice and not stopping for a minute to allow the digestion process to take place. I may add that my feeling of nostalgia while drinking from a mug which bore my college emblem, gifted to me for god-in-heaven-knows why, eventually mixed up with the feeling of uneasiness from indigestion and soon I could not tell one from the other.

So after sitting myself down for a while in order to feel better, I realize that the coffee is taking effect and I want to do more things than my body will allow me to. That can explain the speed at which I am now typing.

I would at this point love to go into the intricacies of my love life or rather the deterioration of it. But I will save that for another piece which I have typed out as a draft and will choose to publish when I myself have understood the true complexities of the matter. As for now its just a mere mixture of questions.

Getting back to my present scenario, I finally take up my notes, sit them down on the table and start reading. This man, Mr. Hemant Kombrabail, amazes me. The name is not even half of what the man is in real terms. He is lunacy personified. Pants pulled high above the lungs, belt reaching all the way to the back with a fake Armani logo on the buckle, constant unchanging smile that gives you an eerie feeling and send chills down your spine. I have to confess that while I was his subject representative the previous semester, I did suck up to him by calling him and sweet talking him into changing the submission dates, but at no point did I mean it when I told him in the mornings that he was looking really fit. THAT, was to get the attendance I so clearly did deserve. So what if i was an hour late, I did turn up right? Lets get our priorities straight here! But this man, he surely has spent so much time into putting so much un-needed bulls**t into these notes, which will explain why he nearly pounced on one of the nerds in my class because he thought the little boy was stealing his work! Direct Marketing is such a simple concept. Yet, our university has found it necessary to create a whole subject on the matter. And since the concept is naturally simple, the problem that arises is that matter for the subject would be far too less. Hence, we have concepts like Customer Relations Management expanded into a whole chapter with 10 pages! This man, is the only one who has notes on this subject and hence has created a certain monopoly, which in-turn makes me want to hate him more. His words are way to vague on each matter. And being used to having a minimum of 5 different sets of matter on each subject other than this, I find myself lost in the 150 pages of bulls**t he has written.

Now, I could blame our great college for having hired professors who generally disappear between the most crucial year (note: The main reason we have to bear with Kombi for another semester) because they want to climb coconut trees down in the south of our country. I would rather blame the college for something more important like treating our department as alien, making us pay fines for hugging in the corridors (We do not support lesbianism!), or stopping us from visiting the Jhunka Bhakar across the street from college (Clear of the 50metre rule) to have our morning cuppa chai and regular 5 ciggrates along with it. The walking candle-stick (a.k.a Mascy) has this concept, you are damaging your system, polluting the minds of on-lookers along with the air around the college. Our concept, you move the chai-walla, the ciggie guy moves with him, and we follow them! Simple! Seriously, years has it been since this has been happening and suddenly this crazy implementation of calling parents if the child is found smoking OUTSIDE college premises? You have no say in the matter once we have stepped out of your damned gates! There is a line you just cant cross! And lets get real, you dont really give a damn about our health, its the "reputation" you are trying to hold up. You forget that we have a reputation of doing what we want to do no matter what.

Leaving that aside for now, lets look at the track record of this professor who occasionally disappears at her own free will. Being one of the permanent faculty, I find it unnerving whern she isnt around to teach us in what we call our "crucial" year. But the fault is our own, we got fooled by her cover up of being nice to us. This way she ensured that if we got her kicked out, we would be on a guilt trip 'cos she is the only part of the faculty who helped us when we were in deep s**t. Yeah, the only prof who took it well from Leroy when he said that she was often not really there. Also when he would confirm at the end of the class if she was going to turn up the next morning or not, requesting her to tell him now saving him the trouble of waking too early and venturing on the jouney from his home (the college hostel) till the class! Sport is the word. And the best thing is that she had the most amazing comebacks. The one line that always took the prize - "40 marks lie in my hands". I do miss the time she would talk to us with her eyes shut, trying to rememeber what she was supposed to say to us. Also the days when she would walk in, tell us that she wasn't in the mood, take attendance, and walk out. Remember so clearly the many times she would get confused as to which subject she was teaching!

Seriously, all the b***hy-ness is coming out as a cover up for the sense of loss that I feel ever since Tuesday when I walked out of college realizing that after 5 long years of torturous travelling and incipid canteen food along with unequivocally detestable treatment from teachers, I truly am going to miss the times spent within those walls. The crushes, boyfriends, flings, girl-fights, tears, laughs, naps in the large library and make-out sessions in the staircases near the priest-quarters...

Even while the phrase is degenerating to cliché in ordinary public use after being widely introcuded by Bryan Adams years back... I have to say this, These are the best days of my life!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

yooo agree with you about Hemant Komba

Nigel said...

This is a priceless piece of art, the master of masterpieces. I too am taught by the men himself .. your avid description of him sent me into a fit of giggles, which later turned into a hysterical fit of hiccups. That aside, it was a brilliant write up.
-Nigel

Gypsy Qveen said...

Some days, I just pray he not narcissistic enough to Google himself

Nigel said...

He just might have, belief is that he might actually be proud of being such a pain in he ass

Yasha Kothari said...

Hemant Kombrabail is a perverted creep who loves feeling up girls and he is so full of himself and his god damn principles, its unbelievable .
He wastes 2 hours on time management EVERY TIME someone is late.
He has a page on a matrimonial site: SimplyMarry.com. It too damn hilarious.
Also, he is a big fat lair. He goes all hung-ho about his principles but he cant face the consequences.
Unfortunately, he corrects papers in the University, so he must have come across 2 papers that had the exact same answer. Now some sane person would have understood it as a rote learner puking exactly what's written in the notes. But he was determined and he submitted the paper under unfair means. Next day, the principal of that college, unaware about everything, arrives at the University to find out what the matter is. She bumps into the chairperson - Gita ma'am,(who told me this story in the first place and who is also the sweetest teacher ever. For the record, she loves bitching about Kombrabail too :D )and Gita Ma'am said Hemant submitted the paper under unfair means against our wishes. The principal said that she in fact spoke to Hemant just the previous day and he said he knew nothing about it. And also he turned the story around and said he was forced into doing so by Gita and these other profs. Such a disgusting human being. I pity his family, his ex-wife and I'm thankful to the forces of the Universe for not giving him any children. I wish for him to die.