Robin: It’s like a permanent get-out-of-jail card, my smile.
Ryker: I can't believe I’m letting u off the hook a 2nd time.
Robin: How can you not? I’m so innocent and the halo on my head just can’t be ignored.
Ryker: You’re as innocent as jack the ripper.
And I've realized that the halo is just for show, u take the halo off when you’re alone.
Robin: For some weird reason, I like the Jack the ripper comment. I need to see a shrink.
Ryker: Dr.Vihang N.Vahia.
He's at Lilavati on Mon 8 - 10am and Sat 2 - 6pm.
Have taken an appointment for you, Sat 4pm.
Robin: Oh mann! You’re a gem (the non-shiny kind)
I'll pay him a visit. So, it’s your personal recco right?
Ryker: But I want to be the shiny kind.
No, it's Ron's recco.
My shrink hung herself last month.
Robin: A shrink would have a field day with both of us in the same room. Imagine the stuff we are talking about
Ryker: Our convo is pretty normal considering that we both are convicted arsonists.
Robin: Normal is a relative concept.
Convicted arsonists? That too? I was going with MA runaways! The reasons for being the latter could be multiple!!
Ryker: Fair point, normal is relative.
Of course, convicted arsonists. Don’t you remember we burnt a warehouse in downtown LA last year?
And what is MA?
Robin: MA is something I unnecessarily abbreviated to get you to ask.
Its Mental Asylum runaways... The place they put us in after we told them why we burnt down the warehouse?
Ryker: U purposely abbreviated it to get me to ask? And me like a naive innocent little boy fell for it. Wish I wasn’t so innocent sometimes.
Oh ya, I how can I forget the mental asylum they put us in. And no, we didn't tell them we burnt the warehouse, they caught us coz u left a 5 Spice delivery box outside the warehouse with our Boston address on it.
Robin: Innocent? Delu*cough*sional!
I told you not to order so much Chinese!! And I totally forgot the fact that I told them and wasn’t supposed to tell you that I told them.
Ryker: Don’t be mean. U wanted Chinese, not me. I wanted pancakes. But as usual u bullied me and got your way. U told them? No more burning houses or robbing banks with u, u anyway spend all the loot on shoes.
Robin: Oh man! Now I want pancakes!
I told them only about the arson... I kept mum about the forgery scam. And come on... I only have 82 pairs of shoes! That isn’t obsession, its pure love. Rachel is worse than me.
Ryker: Hot soft golden brown pancakes with thick fresh maple syrup.
U better not tell them about the kidnapping too. The problem with u is, the minute they offer u food, u blurt everything out.
82 pairs of shoes????? Your competition is not Rachel, its Imelda Marcos.
Robin: Kidnapping? Why do I not... Oh gosh! You took someone else along, didn’t you? That is why I can’t remember that part! And btw... you knew about my weakness right from the beginning!
Imelda Marcos lives in me!
Ryker: No Imelda, would I dare take someone else for the kidnapping? U don’t remember it because u were high. We shouldn't have stopped at the bar in Nashville before the kidnapping.
Bread Pudding is your weakness?
I bet u haven’t worn half the shoes u own.
Robin: I was high? All your fault for wanting to "use the washroom" or we wouldn’t have stopped in the first place! It’s like taking the horse to the water and not expecting it to drink!
Food is my weakness!! All of it... and now you've reminded me of bread pudding!!
Btw... I can’t find half of them either.
Ryker: It’s always my fault, not fair. Of course I had to use the washroom, I was driving all night while u were sleeping in the back seat. Btw, u snore.
And when u see a bar, u can't stop yourself. Have to re-check u in that rehab in Miami.
I just knew it, about the shoes. What a waste of my hard earned money.
Robin: See, you don’t let me drive cos of the narcoleptic that I am. I don’t snore after my operation.
That rehab in Miami was not nice. Can we find another one if I REALLY have to be checked in? Pretty please? Maybe the one you were stuck in would be nice... I don’t know why I get checked into the cheaper shady ones!
The shoes are not a waste!!! Don’t say it too loud... they'll hear you!!
Ryker: I don’t let u drive, but not becoz you're narcoleptic, I don’t let u drive becoz your license was revoked after u drove our car into a farmhouse near Dallas and killed an old couple who were watching 'when harry met sally'.
Btw, I have recorded your snoring on my phone, so I don't think the nose job helped your snoring.
Ok ok, I admit the Miami rehab place wasn't very good but we weren't doing well financially at that time but now that we are rich, we'll check u into Europe’s best rehab place outside Paris. And pleaase don't run away and go shopping in Paris. Btw, I’ve never been into a rehab, u do the drinking for both of us.
THE SHOES ARE A WASTE OF MONEY!!!!!!!!
Robin: It wasn’t a nose job! What bollocks!
And you have to admit, my timing was impeccable. Was just in time for the end scene where they kiss. And please, only the wife died. Coma doesn’t count as death. I know for sure the husband will thank me when he wakes, for getting rid of the nag. Remember how she whined even while dying? And finally I was right; buying a silver car was a good idea. Imagine if we’d bought the black you wanted, the scratch marks would be tear-worthy.
Let’s talk more about Paris. I get out of here in three months and I’m sure you would need to book in advance with the entire holiday crowd coming in. And let’s not make any more excuses for the delay in the allowance cheque. I’m running low on Maggi stock.
Anyways, I gotta go, they’ve got to buckle me up. It’s a bitch typing with that white-jacket on.
The above is a conversation that me and a friend had over FB messages. I don't need to tell you which one I am :P