After a While

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean possession
and company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build your roads today
because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn...

Its truly sad how time teaches what you really need to know... too late though. To look into the eyes of someone you once loved and adored and see that he is finally ready to put everything else aside him and accept every bit of you, every flaw, every tantrum. To then realise that he isnt the one you want to be with, that you no longer feel that same way about him. But why are we still unable to let go? Insecurity? Fear of loneliness?
Holding his hand, wrapping it slowly around your shoulders just to feel a little more protected, looking into his eyes and telling him what you are feeling and how troubled you are... just because he will listen.
No longer a belief in love... a cringe in my stomach when i hear the word, a need to stay away from the opposite sex. Not knowing where you belong, whether getting home will make things better... not knowing where home is to begin with. Here? Or there? Or somewhere i haven't explored yet?
A longing for food, yet unable to eat... A craving for love, yet a fear of the word. Who really means it? Who says it to make you smile? Who says it because it makes them feel better?

Who says it to keep you with them?

- June 7th, 2007 -